


The Barney Fic

by cynicaltea, girlfromthatfandomlovesyou



Category: Barney the Dinosaur - Fandom, Donald Trump - Fandom, Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/M, Multi, a lesson as to why you shouldn't write or create anything at all during exam season, im soo sorry, this is such a mistake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-05
Updated: 2016-08-05
Packaged: 2018-07-29 11:27:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7682704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cynicaltea/pseuds/cynicaltea, https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlfromthatfandomlovesyou/pseuds/girlfromthatfandomlovesyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>this is a mistake that started during exam season when we were both exhausted and has somehow not been burnt yet </p><p> </p><p>Basically Peri is pregnant with Barney the Dinosaur's baby and Dot is just really gay </p><p>its kind of worth the read if you don't mind the mental scaring </p><p>i'm so sorry</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Barney Fic

The Barney Fic

Dot walked into Peri’s room to have a serious talk, Peri had been acting extremely odd recently. She seemed to be sick a lot yet she was always hungry. 

“Peri, are you on drugs or something because honestly shit’s been real fucked up lately,” Dot said.

“Don’t do school, stay in drugs” Peri muttered

“Yeah that’s nice,” Dot said flatly. “But are you ok?”

“Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say. I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way. For all the dirty looks, the photographs your boyfriend took,  
Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor? I'm not okay I'm not okay I'm not okay You wear me out What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems? I've told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what it mean…”

“Okay, okay, I get it you’re emo. Fuck- chill, just tell me what’s wrong without the MCR.” Dot rolled her eyes. Under her breath, she whispered a whole shit heck fuckton of MCR lyrics because you can never really escape can you?

“He’s been gone so long.” Peri murmured, expression dreamy.

“Who?” Dot demanded, squinting at her twin suspiciously. 

Peri stared into the distance. “My good friend Barney,” she said longingly. “Barney the dinosaur.” It had been 8 months since she last saw him, they had passionately made love in a closet. She missed him. “Oh Barney.” she whispered, wanting him back.

Dot stared. “???”

 

“I need to see him,” Peri said desperately, “I- it’s very important that I do.”

“Why,” said Dot, not wanting to see the creepy old man in a purple dinosaur suit again.

“Because,” Peri whispered, sounding pained. “I’m.. I’m pregnant with his baby.”

Dot stared. “Ohhhhhh,” she said finally, regretting going around telling people Peri was getting really obese and that she thought she should go on a diet. “People just think you’re getting really really fat,” she said. “But I have nothing at all to do with that.”

“This baby,” Peri said. “Is all I’ve ever wanted out of life.”

“You hate kids,” said Dot.

“I love my baby,” said Peri.

“Creepy,” Dot said. “I told you not to mess with that old man. Did you know he used to be in jail?”

“I don’t care,” Peri said. “He was an innocent man convicted because the government is against us all! We’re just puppets for the politicians.”

“Mom is a mayor,” said Dot.

Peri opened her mouth and then closed it again. “I love my baby,” she repeated.

“Of course you do,” said Dot. “You shouldn’t be having that baby,” she said. “That man is almost 70 years old.”

“So? The baby is still a baby,” Peri said. “The baby’s not 70 years old.”

“Of course not???” Dot said. “Then how would you even…,” she shook her head. “The point is that people will ask who the daddy is,” she said meaningfully.

“Barney the Dinosaur,” Peri said, love and lust in her tone.

Dot shook her head. “No,”

“He loves me, I love him,” Peri sang, to the tune of the song. You know the song. “He’ll put his dick in me again,” 

Dot opened her mouth and then closed it again. “No,” she repeated, a little more urgently.

“I remember,” Peri said. “I remember how it felt when he came inside of me-”

“AHHHHHHH” Dot interrupted.

“Oh, Dot,” Peri said, tears in her eyes. She trembled with joy. “I’m going to have his baby.”

There was a knock on the door and Peri got up to answer it. “Hey daddy.” she said, affectionately.

“Hey baby.” came a deep, thoroughly creepy stereotypical Pervert Man voice. The voice that would say “I’ve got some candy in my van, want some?”

Dot immediately hid under the bed.

“I missed you so much,” Peri told him.

“Give daddy some sugar,” Barney said.

“Mm,” Peri moaned, kissing Barney deeply.

“WHATAMISTAKE,” Dot blurted out.

Barney stared at the bed. “You learned ventriloquy?” 

 

“That’s my twin sister,” said Peri.

“Is she as tight as you?” Barney asked, squeezing Peri’s ass.

“I don’t know, I’ve never tried,” Peri said.

Dot stared at the two with wide eyes from under the bed.

“Tell her to come out,” said Barney.

“She won’t like playing with you, daddy,” Peri said. “She’s not straight.”

“That’s okay, a nice big lick of my dick will fix her up.” Barney said.

“????!!!!!” Dot decided to stay under the bed.

“Come out, baby,” Barney said. “I have candy.”

A pause, and a few sounds like Dot was about to come out.

Barney got hit with a large teddy bear.

“I’m gonna pull the little shit out from under there,” Barney said.

“Calm down,” said Peri.

“I can’t, I need help to calm down,” Barney said. “I’ve been on edge all day.”

 

“I’ll help you, daddy,” Peri said, getting on her knees and zipping down Barney’s pants. 

She moaned as she sucked Barney’s dick.

Dot covered her ears and tried to wish herself out of this room.

She tried to run for it but was stopped by Barney.

“You wanna help your sister?” Barney asked.

“NO,” Dot said. “NOT REALLY.”

“Stop for a second,” Barney told Peri. “Look at this lollipop. I know you want some.”

Dot covered her eyes. “NO THANK YOU MISTER.”

“Daddy, I’m hungry,” Peri complained. “Let me suck you off.”

“Wait a second, Peri,” said Barney. “Come on, sweetheart,” he said to Dot. “Suck my juicy dick.”

“Okay,” Dot said finally. She began to suck on his dick and then bit him really hard and then while he was screaming she ran for it.

“Daddy,” Peri gasped. “I’ll make it better.” she enthusiastically deep-throated him.

“Peri, I need to iron your school sh,” Yellow Diamond stopped mid-sentence. “Shir,” she could not continue. “I, I,”

Peri immediately moved backwards and picked up a book. “Hi mom.” she said.

“Wh, I, wh-wh,” YD said, still trying.

“Your mom has a nice rack.” Barney said.

“Who are you?” Peri said, the worst actress in the world. “I have never seen you before ever in my entire life! What are you doing inside of my room, mister?”

 

“Weren’t you just sucking me off?” said Barney.

“N-no,” said Peri.

“There is a man in a sweaty costume,” Yellow Diamond said, sounding kind of dead inside. “I can see his dick.”

“Do you want some?” Barney asked.

Yellow Diamond opened her mouth and then closed it again. “Why is this person inside of.. No.. no Peri why were.. You had your mouth.. On.. on the…”

“Mom,” Peri said suddenly. “I’m pregnant.”

“What?” said Yellow Diamond.

“What?” said Barney.

“Oh yes,” Peri whispered passionately. “Daddy, I’m going to have your yummy baby.”

 

“What are you gonna do, eat the baby?” Barney wondered. 

“Barney, aren’t you excited?”

“I suppose,” said Barney. “Come sit on my lap, baby.”

Peri sat on Barney’s lap, sliding onto his dick. “MMmm! DADDY! Oh! Oh! Yes, daddy!”

“Ride me, baby, ride me!”

“STOP!” Yellow Diamond screamed. “YOU’RE 14 YEARS OLD, PERI! THIS IS NOT APPROPRIATE! CHILDREN YOUR AGE SHOULD BE PLAYING POKEMON AND CRYING ABOUT CLUB PENGUIN!”

 

“Succ the dick” you know every word that comes out of bellatrix’s mouth should be deleted smh

“I deleted my Club Penguin account two weeks ago!” Peri yelled back. “God mom, it’s like you don’t even know who I am! I’m not a kid anymore! I’m 14 years old! I’m pregnant and I’m in love with him! You can’t tell me what to do!”

“I,” Yellow Diamond said. “You’re grounded! You’re grounded!” she looked furious.

“BARNEY,” Peri screamed lustfully. “I’m going to come!”

“No you’re not,” Barney retorted. “You come when I say you can!”  
OH MY GOD I ALMOST SCREAMED OUT LOUD JUST NOW WTF  
“Oh daddy, I’m so close,” Peri moaned. “Daddy please,” she begged. “I can’t take it!”

“I want to hear you beg,” said Barney the Dinosaur, your purple musical friend with a big imagination.

“Please, daddy,” Peri begged. “Let me come. Please, I’ve been a good girl! Oh, daddy, I need-”

“Cum for me, baby girl,” Barney said, pulling Peri’s hair, cumming violently inside of her.

Peri screamed as she came.

“I DON’T WANT TO WATCH MY OWN DAUGHTER BRING SHAME TO THIS FAMILY AND THIS HOUSEHOLD,” said Yellow Diamond.

“Oh dadddyyyyy,” Peri breathed. “You splattered my insides with your warm cum.”

“Did you like that, you filthy slut?”

“Oh yes,” Peri said. “I’m a whore, I’m a dirty whore, daddy, and I need to be punished.”

“I’m disowning you,” Yellow Diamond said, voice faint. “I do not want anything to do with you.”

“I can’t hear you over the sound,” Peri said, moaning. “Of my daddy spanking me.”

Barney repeatedly slapped Peri’s ass, repeating “You’ve been a naughty girl, you’ve been a bad bad girl, you’ve been a naughty girl.” 

“Do not do this in my own home,” Yellow Diamond cried, offended. “Under my own roof-”

“You wanna join in on the fun?” Barney asked her. “I like your rack.”

“YOU’RE ALMOST 70 YEARS OLD,” said YD. “That’s old, even for me,” she paused, gave a flattered smile though. “Thank you, though,” she eyed Barney. “I like your..,” she hated everything about him. “Dick,” she said sarcastically, and then stared at it a little more. “It’s rather big,” she observed, tone breathy. “Most impressive.”

“Do you want to play pretend with your friend Barney the Dinosaur?” the old man asked seductively in his Pervert Man “I’ve got some candy in my van” voice.

“I.. wouldn’t mind,” Yellow Diamond admitted. “Playing pretend with you, Barney. Don’t get me pregnant, please. I already gave birth to two daughters and they’re failures.”

Peri made an offended noise at this. “I led you to Barney!”

“One of them is a failure, then,” YD said. “Move.”

Peri got off of his lap and Yellow Diamond got on her knees, rubbing Barney’s little friend with her experienced hands. “I’m so happy to be doing this for you, Barney,” she said.

“Suck it, whore,” said Barney.

“I always did like being a bottom,” Yellow Diamond whispered, lowering her head and sucking Barney off. 

“You’re good at this,” Barney noted, voice strained with arousal.

“Better than me?” Peri pouted.

“You’re the one having my child,” Barney said. “Nobody’s better than you, you’re daddy’s little girl.”

Peri smiled proudly.

Yellow Diamond expertly deep-throated the dinosaur, testing to check for her gag reflex. She wanted to push herself to the limit, and so she did.

“It’s hot when you gag.” Barney whispered.

YD moaned into his dick, still sucking him off.

 

“I’m close,” Barney cried. “Push me over the edge, bitch!”

 

Yellow Diamond managed to bring Barney to orgasm.

“Swallow it!” Barney demanded. “Swallow it all!”

Yellow Diamond swallowed every last drop of dinosaur cum. 

I FEEL LIKE IM BEING JUDGED RIGHT NOW AND YOU KNOW WHAT YOU CAN’T JUDGE ME FOR MY MISTAKES, SO THERE

“Daddy,” Peri said. “Daddy, you’re not taking care of me,” she said. “You’ve been neglecting me,” she wiggled her ass in the air. “Daddy,” she whispered. “You know what I want.”

“Spread yourself open for me, baby.” said Barney.

 

They had hot anal sex.

“Baby girl, you’re so tight!” moaned Barney.

Yellow Diamond sat there and jealously longed for Barney’s big bad dino dick to penetrate her anus.

“DADDY!” Peri screamed, coming violently. 

Barney came inside of her. “Yes,” he panted. “That’s good, you’re such a good girl,” he gazed lustfully at Peri. I wish I could fuck you more.”

“Really, daddy?” Peri asked. “Why?”

“It’s so hot,” he said. “To see your big belly,” he moaned. “I like to imagine you’re like a balloon, filled up with my cum.”

“Oh,” Peri moaned at the thought. “Fuck me please, daddy,” she pleaded. “One last time before you go.”

“It might not be good for the baby,” said Barney. “I don’t want to raise a slut like you.”

“Daddy please,” Peri begged. “I need your meaty cock inside of me.”

“Fine,” Barney sighed. “But only because I want this as bad as you do. I need this as much as you do,” he roughly grabbed Peri. “Scream for me, baby girl!”

As he fucked her, he ran his dino paws over her swollen tummy. ???? THIS IS THE KINKIEST THING IVE EVER WRITTEN IN MY LIFE 

“I have to go now,” he said, tone serious. “I work at McDonald’s and I need to be on time.”

“Bye daddy,” Peri said softly. “I’ll miss you.”

Barney jumped out of the window and was gone.

Dot stood just outside of the bedroom, her eyes wide and her expression haunted. She could never look at her mother and sister the same way ever again.

She took a deep breath and opened the door, not looking at either of them and promptly hiding under her bed with a good book.

“Dot,” Peri said. “Why didn’t you take part??” 

“Um,” said Dot. “I don’t really,” she said. “I don’t really like, you know. That sort of thing. You called him ‘daddy’,” she shuddered. “That’s just wrong.”

“It’s hot,” said Peri. “Call me daddy.”

“What?” Dot asked incredulously. “No, I’m not calling you daddy!”

“Why not?” said Peri. “Come on,” she encouraged. “Let’s have some fun.”

“That’s illegal and you’re pregnant!” Dot exclaimed.

“We can all have a bit of family fun,” Yellow Diamond said.

“Aren’t you my mom? You’re supposed to tell Peri that’s illegal and not encourage it,” said Dot. “Incest is- illegal!”

“Not,” Peri said. “Necessarily.”

“I’m not going to do that with you!” Dot said, burrowing further under the bed. “Can you stop? I’m trying to read.”

“Come out, Dot,” said YD. “We’ll go slow.”

“I don’t want to go at all,” said Dot. “I’m 14.”

“When I was 14 years old,” Yellow Diamond said dramatically. “I had sex with 3 different guys. Every day.” 

“Yeah,” Dot said sarcastically. “And that’s why you got knocked up and had us.”

“What was that?” said YD.

“Nothing, I said that’s wonderful, mom.” Dot said. 

“Don’t you have STDs?” Peri asked her mother.

 

“I used protection,” Yellow Diamond said, sounding a little offended.

“It’s not like you haven’t had sex before,” Peri said.

“I wanted to have sex gently, when I was married and 36.” Dot said.

“36?” Peri repeated. “Wow,” she shook her head. “Wooow.”

“And that’s your fault!” Dot reminded Peri. “You took my virginity.”

“Right, so you’ve already fucked me so does it matter now?” Peri asked. “I can call Barney-”

“I don’t want sex!” Dot interrupted.

“I think you just don’t want to bang Barney because you’re a lesbian.” Yellow Diamond said.

“I am not a lesbian,” Dot said. “I just haven’t found the right guy yet.” she rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, Dot, I’m just saying, you’re really gay and we all know it,” Peri said. “I saw you staring at someone’s ass the other day and I know it’s wrong to assign gender but they sure looked female to me.”

“Um,” Dot said. “Why are we talking about this again? I’m trying to read.”

“Aw how cute,” said YD. “I gave birth to a gay child.”

“I’m not gay!” Dot said. “I haven’t found the right guy yet.” 

“Not really,” said Peri. “You’re just really gayTM.”

“I like girls as friends.” Dot insisted. “I’m as straight as you guys.”

“Yeahhhh,” Peri said slowly. “That’s not,” she said. “That’s not really, straight. Just saying.”

“I’m as straight as,” Dot thought of straight things. “A board. A ruler. A.. the side of a square.” 

“You’re as straight as Ellen from The Ellen Show.” Peri said.

“Yes!” Dot said. “Exactly!”

“She’s a lesbian.” YD said.

“Wait,” Dot said. “Wait no.” YOUR SPELLING IS A MENACE

It was at this point that Peri fell to the floor with intense convulsions. She was giving birth.

A few hours later at the hospital, they were in the maternity ward and gave Peri the baby.

It was super special because it had Barney’s DNA so it grew really fast and its’ first words were “a small loan of a million dollars” and “We need to build a wall”. They named it Trumplet. 

A masterpiece tbh

“Can you stop touching my baby’s head?” Peri snapped.

“No,” Dot said. “I can’t,” she seemed disturbed. “What the fuck is this.” she touched the baby’s severely depressing-to-look-at-hair. “There is a rat’s nest on your kid’s head. It’s.. it’s also orange,” she rubbed the baby’s arm and expected to see cheeto dust on her fingers. 

“It’s my and daddy’s baby. Green and purple make orange, duh you clod. Haven’t you ever been to school?” Peri retorted, rolling her eyes. Her sister was kind of an idiot.

“I’m starting to doubt you ever have,” Dot said, exhausted.

Peri looked down at her child, getting emotional. “It’s so beautiful,” she whispered. “I can’t believe it came out of me.”

“I can believe it,” Dot said. “It’s kind of disturbing though but if you remember, I was there.”

“Ah yes,” Peri said. “I remember. You screamed more than me.”

“Can we not have this conversation at this particular moment in time?” was Dot’s response. “I want to know why your baby looks like Donald Trump.”

“I don’t know,” said Peri. “He inherited daddy’s devilishly handsome good looks.”

“In case you forgot, he’s a dinosaur, not Donald Trump.”

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that, baby girl.” said Barney the dinosaur, appearing out of literally nowhere because we’re all high. He stared lovingly down at Peri. “I have.. something to confess.” 

“Oh,” Peri said, turning her loving gaze to her sugar daddy. “And what is that?”

 

“I’m..,” Barney sighed, getting emotional. “We have a kid now, and I think it’s time you saw the man behind the suit.”

*le gasps*

Peri put her hands over her mouth, crying. “Really? You trust me that much now? Daddy, I.. I don’t know what to say.. I want to see you. All of you, not just your succulent cock.”

Meanwhile, Dot tried to frantically beg nurses for help and stating that her family was insane and she needed to get out of the hospital. Nobody paid her attention and nobody offered to let Dot stay with them for the rest of their lives like Dot humbly requested while screaming desperately.

“At least don’t make me see what’s behind that suit,” Dot pleaded. 

“Daddy,” Peri whispered. “Let me see the man behind the suit.”

And then she saw him, all of him, from his beautiful sewage blue eyes to the dashingly handsome rat’s nest on his head. She took in his beautiful orange skin, longed to run her hands over the delicious spray tan that covered his body. She ‘aww’d at the many majestic chins, and swooned over the ridiculously large stomach and its many stomach rolls. 

Because in front of them 

In his incredibly racist, homophobic, ableist glory stood 

Donald J. Trump.

Both sisters fainted, although for completely different reasons.

“Thank god,” Dot whispered. “Thank god, thank god I thought it would be worse, I mean, it’s awful but it could be worse, you know? It could be Ted Cruz and everybody knows he’s the Zodiac Killer confirmed..” 

She was then hit with the sudden realization that she had, at one point, had Donald Trump’s dick in her mouth. 

“I sucked off Donald Trump” was all Dot would say for several minutes. 

“Of all the people in the world,” Peri whispered. “You could have anyone. Anyone. You’re Donald Trump. Everybody loves you-”

“Where are you getting this from?” Dot demanded. “He has a 69% disapproval rating! Have you seen the polls?!”

“Everybody loves you,” Peri continued, ignoring logic. “And everybody wants you and of all of the people in the world.. You chose me.”

“I would’ve rather been fucked by Hillary Clinton,” Dot shuddered. 

“That’s disgusting, Dot,” Peri said. “I can’t believe you.”

“But,” Dot said. “But you had a baby,” she said. “With Donald Trump. You had a baby! With- and I, I am the d-”

“Shut up,” Peri said. “Nobody asked you, did they?”

“I-” Dot said.

YD wandered in around now and upon seeing what was going on, turned right back out of the room, some of the hospital staff could have sworn they heard her say

“So the “Big D” Lives up to his name...” as she wandered aimlessly down hallways bumping into people and walls. 

“Oh my god,” Dot said. “I think I’m going to throw up,” she shuddered. “I had Donald Trump’s dick in my mouth.”

Trumplet took this moment to throw up, all over Peri. 

“Eww ew ew ew” Peri squealed.

“You take it,” she said, shoving the Trumplet at Dot. 

“I don’t want it!” Dot exclaimed, holding it as far away from possible as she could. “Um, hello? Hello, can somebody take the baby?”

A nurse made her way over and then saw the thing and quickly backed away, saying she’d rather deal with the piss bags than hold that baby.

“Somebody take it from me,” Dot whispered.

“Oh no, it’s yours now. Daddy and I have some… catching up to do,” Peri said winking at Donald seductively.

“Please don’t fuck Donald Trump again.” Dot pleaded.

“I don’t listen to you because you don’t know what you’re talking about ever,” Peri said. 

“I’m begging you,” Dot said. “Don’t fuck him. Please.” 

“It’s my party, I can fuck if I want to” Peri sang. 

“No, that’s,” said Dot. “No,” she shook her head. “Take your baby and stop singing and I think I’m going to go over to Nepheline’s for some Netflix, I can’t deal with this.”

“You act all innocent but you’re going over to someone’s house to have lesbian sex,” said Peri.

“She’s my friend and she has Netflix! I’m straight,” Dot said. 

“Friends with benefits,” Trump muttered from the corner. “Those are good, me and Ted,,,,”

“Oh! Can we have a threesome, daddy, pretty please, I can suck your big juicy cock while he fucks me and you fist his tight asshole.”

“Stop!” Dot interrupted. “Why are you- why are you saying all of this out loud! By the way, I never said Netflix and chill, so it was really wrong of you to jump to that conclusion! You’ll regret all of this when I get a boyfriend. Just saying.”

“Um, Dot,” Peri said. “I know you’re not very well edjumacated, but sweetie, when your significant other is a girl, you call them your girlfriend. G-I-R-L-F-R-I-E-N-D.”

“I’M HETEROSEXUAL!” Dot exclaimed. 

“Uh, yeah,” Peri said. “And I’m the president of Timbuktu.”

“Gay is Ok” screamed the Trumplet.

“Yes, it is! But I’m not gay and that’s okay too, it’s okay to be straight, what happened to hetero pride?”

Even Donald Trump cringed. It was that bad.

“Me and Nepheline are just friends,” Dot added. 

Dot’s Phone rang, or more accurately Groaned, like a really sexual orgasmic groan,

She answered it. “Yes?”

 

“Hi, Neph,” Dot muttered, blushing. “I’m coming over really soon to watch Netflix with you. Can we pick up on Season 5 of Orange is the New Black?”

A pause.

“I mean if you found a new show that’s really great too, you’re so good at finding new things, you’re so good, at, um, discovery, I mean, that’s a rare talent and… you’re just.. You know. Good. At, anyways, gotta go, my sister gave birth finally and..” 

Dot hung up abruptly.

“That was really gay, Dot.” Peri said.

“No, it wasn’t! I’ll list all the reasons why me and Nepheline are just friends. I don’t like her ass or her tits, it’s not like I’ve ever just noticed that she’s really attractive or- lesbians do like that sort of thing, I think, so it’s obvious I’m not one- and I don’t like her hair either or the pretty sound of her voice or the way she walks and I totally hate how she smells so amazing every time I’m around her, like summer in the city and freshly-baked cake at a bakery and.. It’s really annoying how she’s really pretty and I think about her all the time, but in a platonic way, you know, because we’re just friends. And if I was dared to kiss her, I totally would. But not because I’d enjoy it, you know? Just for the dare ‘cause I don’t like to chicken out of dares. And she’d be really gross to kiss with her perfect soft lips that I never stare at, ever, because I’m straight.”

There was a long silence.

“Gay.” said the Trumplet.

“DIDN’T I JUST TELL YOU ALL THE REASONS I’M NOT?” Dot exclaimed. 

“You did, but it was really gay.” Peri and Trump said together. 

“Also don’t speak to your nephew like that.” Peri scolded.

“That is not my nephew!” Dot exclaimed. “That is.. A that!”

“Rude.” said Donald Trump. “Just because you’re a lesbian doesn’t mean you get to be rude.”

“Where did all of you get this ridiculous idea that I’m a les-”

“Why do you take so long to do everything? You texted me like, 15 minutes ago saying you were going to come over right away.” Nepheline said, appearing. “I’m here to pick you up, because it’s clear to me you’re a little incompetent.”

“Fuck,” Dot uttered softly. “Um well I was distracted, by Peri and.. Donald Trump.. And their thing that I’m not really sure is human. So. That’s that.” 

Nepheline stared at the Trumplet. “Disturbing.” she said thoughtfully.

“You should take Dot’s hand,” Peri suggested. “She has trouble not walking into everything.”

“NO,” Dot blurted out. “No, actually, I walk just fine. Thanks.” 

“I wouldn’t mind holding your hand, Dot, no homo of course.”

“Yesnohomo.” Dot said, laughing awkwardly. “This is fine.”

“Yes,” Nepheline said, taking Dot’s hand. “There, see? It’s not the end of the world.”

“Are you sure?” said Dot. “I think we have different definitions of the ‘end of the world’,” a pause. “HA haH AH HA HA HA,” Dot laughed so awkwardly it was cringeworthy. “Do you put heaters on your hands? Because boy are.. Your hands warm. Haha, your hands are really warm. Really warm.”

“Okay then,” said Nepheline. “Alrighty.” 

“Lesbian.” said the Trumplet.

“What?” Nepheline asked.

“NOTHING.” said Dot. “And that is not true you little.. Thing!” she hissed. “Um I think I’m good now. Nepheline. I don’t need to.. My hand,, holding.”

“Ooookayyy then” Nepheline muttered and they left the hospital.  
“They’re finally gone, Daddy” Peri whispered, turning around to rub herself into Donald’s bulging stomach. 

Lets just say i pity the people in the room below them, Peri’s daddy thrusted extra hard as a reward for providing his first offspring.

“Together we will make a great army to take down the Mexicans,” he whispered seductively into Peri’s ear,

Peri got pregnant, again.

It was hot. Really hot. 

The Trumplet came in his diaper, yes he would be the first in a line of great warriors. 

Donald and Peri continued to fuck based on the flawed logic that the more Donald came inside of Peri the more babies Peri would have at once to create their empire.

This went on for hours which even gave Dot time to come back.

“What the fuck,” Dot whispered. “What the fuck.” 

They were really going at it and since they had started getting bored the had tried a few new things,

I think they were trying some form of OMO kink because Peri was extremely bloated from all the cum in her and she was trying to keep it all in while the white sticky liquid kept pouring into her and Donald was lying on top of her covering her in hickies trying to get her to moan for him while thrusting his tired swollen cock in rhythmic time with Trumplet’s crying.

“What the fuck.” Dot whispered again, covering her eyes. “Hey! Hey, can you stop?”

“Just let me finish one last time.” Donald grunted, and because he has the stamina of a fly, he came immediately.

Peri moaned, and he slid out carefully, as not to disrupt Peri’s attempt to keep all of his cum inside of her. 

Peri stood up weakly, gallons of Trump’s life-creating fluid gushing out of her.

“This is soweird ohmygod,” Dot shuddered. “I don’t know- I don’t know what or, how to, how to..”

“Yes, Dot,” Peri said impatiently. “We know you’re not all that intelligent.”

“I’m,” Dot began, before deciding not to bother. “You know… cum is pouring out of you like a faucet.”

“I know,” Peri said lustfully. “It feels almost as good as keeping it all in.”

“Wow, gross, sorry I said anything,” Dot blurted out. “Um.. you’ve got a little.. Something here,” Dot said, pointing to a spot on her shoulder where Peri had a hickey. “Aaaand here. And here. Oh, and here too. And um, here. And here. And here. .. and here.”

“You’ve got one here,” Peri said, pointing to a spot on Dot’s neck.

“Shit, I do?!” Dot exclaimed. “Where? Fuck, I didn’t think-”

“I was kidding,” said Peri. “What exactly did you do at that girl’s house?”

Dot immediately went silent, blushing deeply. 

Peri shook her head. “I’m not a lesbian, I’m straight,” she mimicked. “I knew it.”

“N-no, you don’t understand,” Dot stammered. “She’s a real lesbian, like a real actual lesbian that likes girls, and I, she told me today, she was all like ‘by the way i’m a lesbian’ RIGHT BEFORE THE MOVIE STARTED and I almost choked and I kept asking her questions about what it was like, not because I want to know or anything but because I’ve never seen a lesbian before real and up close, and-”

“You were excited to meet your own kind.” Peri nodded.

“No,” said Dot. “I just wanted to know! And I admit- I admit sometimes I get a little.. Homo-curious, and-”

“Sometimes?” said Peri, snorting.

“Yes!” Dot exclaimed. “I’m really straight. By the way.”

“You fucked a girl,” Donald Trump said matter-of-factly. “That sounds gay to me.”

“And me.” said Peri.

“And me.” the Trumplet added.

“You guys don’t understand!” Dot exclaimed. “It was- I didn’t like it or anything, I was just curious as to what lesbians did and what.. What they were like. I’ve never seen one before.”

“You look in the mirror every day.” Donald said.

“I’m not a lesbian!” Dot groaned. “I’m sick and tired of you guys sayi-”

“On a scale of 1 to 10, how loud did you moan when she gave you that hickey?” Peri interrupted.

“7,” Dot admitted, begrudgingly. “Okay, but that doesn’t make me gay-”

“Yeah, Dot,” Peri said. “It kinda does.”

“No it-”

 

“What kind of porn do you get off to?” Donald asked.

“All of these are really personal questions that I don’t have to answer!” Dot exclaimed. “Look! Your thing is crying! Do something!”

The Trumplet was silent.

“Um, yeah, Dot,” Peri said. “Okay. It’s lesbian, isn’t it? It’s lesbian porn.”

“It’s definitely lesbian porn.” Donald said.

“Yeah,” agreed the Trumplet.

Dot opened her mouth and then closed it again, crossing her arms.

“She’s not denying it,” said Donald.

“No, she isn’t.” Peri agreed.

“Can we move on,” Dot said, with all the patience she could muster. 

“My sister’s a lesbian.” said Peri, shaking her head.

“Lesbians are- are dumb and I’m not-”

“WOW, HOMOPHOBE,” said Peri. “You know I used to be a lesbian before I met my Donny Wonny.”

Dot gagged and ran to find the nearest trash can. 

“Triggered,” Peri whisper-shouted.

Suddenly Trump went rigid. He straightened his back and squared his shoulders. Thrust propulsion jets shot out of his feet and he blasted out of the hospital roof Iron Man style.

“What was that about?” Dot and Peri said at the same time.

Little did they know that Donald J. Trump was actual a super realistic robot designed by Kim Jong Un to take down the Americans for laughing at his declaration of war. Robot!Trump’s design took advantage of all the Tumblr trash in the U.S. and knowing that someone was bound to be triggered by Donald Trump he made the word “triggered” cause Robot!Trump to set off the biggest bomb ever. 

The End OF THE MOTHER FUCKING WORLD BITCHES

Out with a bang bang into donald trump’s bedroom

**Author's Note:**

> What is this sin?!?!?!?! I didn’t write this NOT IN MY GOOD CHRISTIAN SUBURBS said the co author. lol jk tho satan can fuck me in the ass any day - girlfromthatfandomlovesyou on tumblr 
> 
> I LOVE HOW THE PUNCHLINE IS THAT PERI IS FUCKING DONALD TRUMP AND ALSO HER INTELLIGENCE IS SIGNIFICANTLY LOWERED BUT THE ONLY FUNNY THING ABOUT DOT IS THAT SUDDENLY SHE’S THE NORMAL ONE AND SHE THINKS SHE’S STRAIGHT AND FOR SOME REASON THAT I DON’T UNDERSTAND YET, IT’S HILARIOUS - perinoia on tumblr
> 
> This is eye death and brain death for all who reads this -jadzia (just jadzia cuz she’s boring)


End file.
